ST. LOUIS, MO—Messengers to the 2016 Southern Baptist Convention voted Tuesday to formally admit the South’s defeat to the North in the American Civil War, adopting a resolution which urged all Southern Baptists to “concede victory to the Union, discontinue display of the Confederate battle flag, disband militias existing for purposes of war, destroy or dispose of anti-Lincoln literature or propaganda, cease references to ‘Northern aggression,’ and turn in all army-owned muskets, bayonets, and ammunition to your local SBC chapter.” The resolution further pushed for Southern Baptist churches to “phase out” their acceptance of Confederate monies for tithes and offerings while urging individuals to exchange such currency for American Dollars.
Get Free Access To Our Brand New Site: Not the Bee
After creating The Babylon Bee in six literal days, Adam Ford rested. But he rests no longer. Introducing Not the Bee — a brand new humor-based news site run by Adam himself. It's loaded with funny content and all the best features of a social network. And the best part? Everyone with a subscription to The Bee gets full access at no extra cost.