Sorry Excuse For Apostle Only Walks On Water For Ten Feet Before Sinking

GALILEE—According to local sources, one of Jesus' disciples attempted to step out of his fishing boat and walk to Jesus during last Tuesday's storm, but he only made it ten feet before sinking into the waves. What an idiot!

Witnesses say Jesus was out for an evening stroll on the sea of Galilee when he walked up to the disciples and scared them half to death, as they had never seen someone walking on the water before.

"Please Lord, if it is really you, tell me to come out to you on the water," said Peter, apparently trying to show off. 

But when Jesus beckoned him to come, Peter only got ten feet before getting freaked out by all the waves and sinking like a little pansy. HA! What a loser! 

"Glug glug! Someone help me!" said the sorry excuse for an apostle as he struggled to stay afloat. "I don't know how to swim!" All the disciples laughed and pointed at the drowning moron, but Jesus quickly lifted him out of the waves.

"We're not sure what in the world Jesus sees in this guy named Peter, but we wouldn't be surprised if he's soon kicked out of Jesus' inner circle due to his gross incompetence. He's seriously starting to make the disciples look bad," said one local religious leader. "He's in no shape to help Jesus overthrow our Roman oppressors, that's for sure. If Jesus cares anything about his image, this Peter guy will be back to his old job catching fish in no time."


Gregory Ilinovich loves murdering people with illegal guns - so he's a bit concerned about all these new gun regulations. Luckily, he tends not to follow laws anyway.

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