U.S. — In a surprising policy shift, Democrats announced they were now demanding reparations from an African American.
Prominent Democratic Party leaders in Washington, D.C., took to the airwaves this week, calling for immediate reparations to be paid to make amends for the repeated success of African American Elon Musk.
"I love African Americans, but Mr. Musk is rich and that makes him the only bad African American," Senator Bernie Sanders said in an appearance on CNN. "He should do the right thing and give the government half of his wealth immediately! It's only fair!"
Though commonly associated with making amends for America's dark history of slavery, reparations can technically be made for anything — even being a wealthy African American with multiple businesses.
The Tesla and SpaceX founder has thus far resisted the demands for reparations, arguing they are only paying attention to him, instead accusing oppressive lawmakers of attempting to send an African American entrepreneur back to the ghetto.
"They want me to pay for shattering the glass ceiling for African Americans," said Musk, who is now worth over a trillion dollars. "But I don't have to because this glass ceiling is just symbolic. I would know, because I've been involved in the construction of several actual glass ceilings at my companies."
At publishing time, Democrats were outraged by Musk's refusal to comply with their demands for reparations and had begun calling for him to "go back to Africa."
After a slight mixup, Steve, Timpani, and Britunni end up at the Alamo instead of the Alamo Car Rental. Protestors block their way out and Timpani is going into labor!
