ISRAEL — King Solomon was deeply disappointed this evening as his wife's enticing offer to come taste her fruits turned out to be a simple offer for a few apples from the garden.
"Man, I was so sure that was a euphemism for something else," sighed King Solomon. "Really did not read this one right."
According to sources, Solomon's wife had delivered what seemed to be a tantalizing invitation to come into the other room to "sample her choicest fruits," delighting the King. Upon discovering she literally meant for him to sample her fruits of choice, Solomon was unable to hide his disappointment. "What, do you not like my apples?" asked his wife, clearly hurt. "I worked all day picking the choicest fruits for you to sample, and this is how you thank me??"
King Solomon tried to regain his composure, but it was no use. "I, uh, thought that choicest fruits meant...never mind, it sounds ridiculous to say out loud," said Solomon. "No, babe, I would totally love to sample your apples. Exactly what I was hoping for."
At publishing time, King Solomon was again disappointed to learn that his wife's enticement to "climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruits" meant she actually needed him to a climb a palm tree to get some fruit for her.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
