WASHINGTON, D.C. - Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson started her Senate confirmation hearings today. She has become known as a judge with a history of giving light sentences to sex offenders and pedophiles, but she's not too worried as she's being questioned by a roomful of sex offenders and pedophiles.
"Thank you for being here, and thank you for the light sentence you gave me last year," said 371-year-old Senator and prolific sex offender Dick Durban. "We know you'll be a great addition to the Supreme Court."
"Welp! I think we've seen enough! You're in!" he said, slamming his notebook shut.
"Me too!" said Lindsey Graham.
All the other sex offenders in attendance nodded their agreement, many saying Ketanji Brown Jackson was the most brilliant nominee they had ever seen.
In preparation for her ascension to the bench, she is currently reading some books on what a "Constitution" is.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
