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Soccer Player Suffers Career-Ending Boo-Boo

RUSSIA—According to sources at the World Cup, a star soccer player suffered a career-ending boo-boo during an important match Tuesday after another player carelessly ran near him on the pitch.

Doctors initially thought the injury was just an ouchie, but after examining the player more extensively, they gravely concluded it was in fact the dreaded boo-boo. Boo-boos are responsible for more early retirements from the sport than any other injury, including oopsies, bump-bumps, and owies.

“We’re not optimistic,” an official World Cup doctor said in a press conference. “I’ve seen lots of boo-boos in my day when players fall down and go boom, but this one is pretty severe. That other player must have been running within four or five feet of him on the field when he spontaneously flipped onto his back and began grabbing his leg, screaming in pain from the boo-boo.”

“Poor little guy,” he added, shaking his head.

The medical expert stated that doctors were working 24/7 to minimize the damage, treating the boo-boo with kisses and a whole barrage of Dora the Explorer Band-Aids until the player’s sniffles go away.

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