PORTLAND, OR — Local parents Cindy and Bob Conners have devised a clever plan to protect their son from gender indoctrination at school. During the first week, they are dressing up their 7-year-old son as a girl so that teachers will encourage him to challenge gender stereotypes and act like a boy.
"You gotta play 4D Chess with these teachers," said Mr. Conners. "I'm hoping this trick will ensure our son is still a son at the end of the school year."
Sources say thousands of parents around the country are employing tricks to protect their impressionable youngsters from gender indoctrination and grooming — including cross-dressing their kids, attaching microphones to listen in to student/teacher conversations, and even homeschooling.
"Sending kids to school these days is like throwing chum to a frenzy of hungry sharks," said Mrs. Connors. "They don't even learn math and reading anymore. Now that I think about it, why are we even still doing this school thing? I forget."
At publishing time, the boy's teacher — who thought he was a girl — groomed him back to being a boy. Unfortunately, the boy now identifies as "two-spirit."
Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!