JOPLIN, MO—Multiple sources at Gracehope Community Church confirmed Sunday morning that the requirements to be on the worship team apparently don't include any kind of singing ability.
A careful study of every worship set performed at the church over the past three months confirmed congregants' suspicions.
"It looks like all you need is a face," said longtime church member Sally Creighton, 47. "An attractive face usually helps your application get fast-tracked too, it would seem." Other factors that church leaders seem to take into account are applicants' sense of fashion, how well they can emote on command, and whether or not they are related to the pastor.
"I can't tell if that girl up there is doing harmonies or just singing in the completely wrong key," Creighton added as one of the backup singers belted out what was apparently supposed to be a rendition of "The Stand." "I'm gonna go with the latter though."
At publishing time, sources had further confirmed that worship team members didn't need to know how to read music, play in the appropriate time signature, or wear jeans that fit.
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.