WASHINGTON, D.C. — Local authorities have issued a Silver Alert after several on Capitol Hill reported seeing a lost old man yelling incoherently at people. The subject is described as an elderly man about 6 feet tall with silver-colored hair plugs and dentures. Caretakers confirmed the man has late-stage dementia and must be returned to a caretaking facility as soon as possible. Please report any further sightings to the D.C. Police immediately.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
