WORLD — A shocking Gallup poll has revealed that a rapidly increasing number of kids in Generation Z are now identifying as members of the world's most celebrated, popular group.
"We're absolutely stunned by this," said sociologist Dr. Veg Dirgmann. "We can't begin to explain why young, impressionable kids who are desperate for popularity and affirmation are suddenly choosing to become members of the most popular and affirmed group in human history."
"Every single movie, TV show, corporation, TikTok influencer, YouTuber, public school teacher, pop star, and Hollywood star in the country openly promotes and celebrates this group. Why on earth would teenagers want to be a part of that? It must be biology."
Gallup results indicate almost 20% of GenZ identify as members of this culturally beloved movement, with the other 80% being pathetic losers. Sources say membership in the group is growing every year as pressure on young people to join the group from literally every single idol, peer, and authority figure in their lives continues to mount.
"It used to be that kids had to be smart, good-looking, or athletic to be popular, but many are finding it much easier to simply identify as popular," said behavioral scientist Dr. Tim Thwain in response to the poll. "Dang, I sure wish I had that when I was young."
At publishing time, the percentage of GenZ kids in the group had increased to 35%.
UPDATE: It is now 42%.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
