Senate Grills Big Tech On How To Get Their Printer Working

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Senators grilled Twitter’s Jack Dorsey and Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg Tuesday, the hearing becoming quite contentious as the two tech leaders were unable to help the senators get their printer working.

“I want to print, but I don’t see our printer as an option,” said Republican Senator Lindsey Graham.

“Did you go to settings and add the printer?” Zuckerberg suggested.

“I don’t see it there.”

“Are you on the same wifi access point?” Dorsey asked.

 “Yes!” Graham shouted, losing his cool.

“Well, what’s the printer’s IP address?”

“Well, we're over on First Street."

Democrats were also very hostile to the two tech CEOs. “It says it’s printing on my computer, but nothing is happening!” shouted Democratic Senator Chuck Schumer.

“Does the printer have paper?” Zuckerberg asked.

“It has paper!”

“Well, what’s the printer say?”

“It doesn’t say anything!”

“Do you have the right driver for it?” Dorsey suggested.

“How would I know that?!”

As the day went on and no progress was made, things only got more heated.

“You did try turning it off and on again, right?” Dorsey asked.

“Of course I did!” Republican Senator Ted Cruz screamed.

“How about unplugging it and plugging it back in?” Zuckerberg offered.

“Is that different from turning it off and on again?” asked a befuddled Cruz.

Zuckerberg shrugged. “Sometimes.”

Dorsey and Zuckerberg apologized, saying that printers are a very “finicky” technology which is why neither of them make printers. The senators eventually gave up, put what they needed to print on a USB drive, and went to the UPS Store.

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