U.S. — With Pride Month ending and July 4th around the corner, millions of rainbow flags across the country are being taken down and replaced with American flags, causing liberals to scream and run away in terror.
"AAAHHHHHHHHHH!" said Mamby Mcdibbles, (he/him) as he stepped out of his apartment to be greeted by hundreds of red, white, and blue flags. "I don't feel safe! I DON'T FEEL SAFE!"
Sociologists agree that while the Pride flag is about acceptance, love, and family-friendly drag shows, the American flag is an ominous symbol of oppression. "We urge all allies to stay indoors during this extremely triggering week," said sociologist and ally Dr. Bork Sortblatt. "You and your comrades should remain huddled in a windowless bathroom and cover yourselves with a blanket while taking extra Xanax until this dark time has passed."
When reached for comment, America's conservatives said: "LOL look at them snowflakes run! Y'all git! Yeehaw!"
At publishing time, Biden also hid in his bathroom under a blanket but for reasons unrelated to the American flag.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
