We Asked 3 Christian Men What They Want In A Spouse - Here Are The Top Responses
Sponsored · Jul 1, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

Are you a woman? Are you in desperate need of a man you can make sandwiches for? We surveyed 3 Christian men sitting around the break room and compiled the common answers to come up with a definitive list of female qualities men crave.

Here are some things Christian men are looking for in a mate:

  1. Exists: If you are a woman and reading this then you're practically all set.
  2. Has a uterus: For all the strapping young boys you'll have.
  3. Knows where she wants to eat: And it's always a Christian restaurant like Chick-fil-A or In-n-Out.
  4. Is a best friend and can stay up late talking about hopes and dreams and deepest fears: Wait - how did that get in here?
  5. Has a Proverbs 31 tramp stamp: Love at first sight.
  6. Keeps silent in the church, making sure to ask you what the sermon was about at home: As is proper.
  7. Is a five-star chef: Or at least a former Subway sandwich artist.
  8. Is smart, but not so smart that she realizes she can do better: Just smart enough to talk about Lord of the Rings and the Bible.
  9. Can knit you stockings for the harsh winter: And maybe she can crochet some cool video game characters for you.
  10. Doesn't obsess about Boaz: We can't all be perfect!
  11. Just anyone who will be nice to me and make me nachos sometimes: So alone.

True love is near if you follow the biblical pattern for your life. Just stop comparing everyone to Boaz and learn to settle.

NOT SATIRE: Download Upward Today. The app made for Christian singles.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.

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