Famous Presidential Cheat Cards From History
Politics · Jul 1, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

You may think it's funny that President Biden carries around a cheat card that tells him exactly what to do and when to do it. As it turns out, this is a common technique used by several presidents throughout our nation's great history. We bet you feel silly now, don't you?

Here are a few examples of presidential cheat cards through the years:

  • Thomas Jefferson: YOU do not have sexual relations with THAT slave.
  • William Henry Harrison: YOU wear YOUR overcoat or YOU die.
  • Millard Fillmore: Nobody remembers who YOU are.
  • Abraham Lincoln: YOU don't forget to look behind YOURSELF at the theater.
  • William Howard Taft: YOU are too fat for YOUR bathtub. (Historian's Note: Taft was notorious for not sticking to the cheat card.)
  • FDR: YOU roll into YOUR seat.
  • Richard Nixon: YOU are NOT a CROOK.
  • Gerald Ford: YOU pardon NIXON. (Historian's Note: Nixon added this to the bottom of Ford's cheat sheet in scribbled pencil.)
  • George Bush, Sr.: YOU ask THEM to read YOUR lips.
  • Bill Clinton: YOU don't have sexual relations with THAT woman.
  • George W. Bush: YOU start an unjustified war for YOUR dad.
  • Donald J. Trump: YOU grab the steering wheel of YOUR limo from YOUR secret service agent to save the election YOU won.
  • Hillary Clinton: YOU aren't PRESIDENT.

You see? Many of our favorite presidents were secretly controlled by a staff of aides and handlers! Give Biden a break! Come on, man!

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

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