HONESDALE, PA—According to sources, local second-grade boy Carter Yoder is really happy all the rich celebrities in Hollywood got to take their masks off and have a good time last night, even though he has been forced to stay in isolation with his mask on at all times during school.
"One thing my teachers have always taught me is that Hollywood celebrities and teachers are way more important than us kids," said Yoder. "It's our job as kids to protect the safety of adults by wearing masks at all times! Teacher said so! Say—I have a loose tooth! Wanna see?"
As soon as he began to pull his mask down, a teacher appeared from behind a bush and screamed "NO! NO! NO! KEEP YOUR MASK ON, YOU HORRIBLE STUPID KID!" before slapping his hand away from his mouth.
"This is important feedback for me," said Yoder. "I need to be shamed and punished whenever I cause adults to irrationally fear for their safety. I think I'll shut myself in my room this evening for an extended time of reflection on my careless behavior."
Several wealthy celebrities who attended the Emmys last night released a statement commending 7-year-old children across the country for taking such a courageous stand to protect them and enable them to stay unmasked and show all their facial plastic surgery work to the world.