PALM BEACH, FL—Trump has revealed to reporters that Biden's so-called "victory" in the 2020 election was actually a 4D chess plot by himself to make his own presidency look good. According to Trump, every time there's a major crisis now, people will look back fondly on the years 2016-2020, remembering the last great golden age of America when everything was great and we had a "really handsome, extremely smart president."
"I felt really sorry for that pathetic loser," Trump said. "So, I decided I would let him win so that I would look like a genius next to him! Gas prices? He blew it! Afghanistan? What a mess! If I were in charge, none of this would have happened. Everyone says so. All the best people say so."
The plan seems to be working, as Biden has bungled everything from Afghanistan and the border crisis to inflation, the economy, and messaging on the pandemic and vaccines. Surveys indicate that many who believed Trump was a doofus now still think he's a doofus but slightly less of a doofus than Biden, which, according to Trump, represents the "astounding success" of his plan.
"Miss me yet?" he concluded to cheers from the crowd.
At publishing time, Trump had further revealed that he may let Kamala Harris win in 2024 so that people can see why we've never elected a woman president.