ASHBURN, VA - The Loudoun County school district has announced a series of camps and summer programs for students who require additional grooming during the break. 

"We try our best to groom all our students to be radical queer activists from preschool, but we understand that some kids fall behind in their grooming process," said Superintendant Scott Ziegler. "We wanted to offer these fun and exciting summer enrichment programs to help maintain our student's radicalization and protect them from the influence of transphobic bigoted parents! Because we care!"

Programs being offered this summer include:

-Twerking Workshop for Kids: Beginner to Advanced

-Trans Finance 101: How to raise money for your top surgery without your parents finding out

-Drag Camp: A 4-week camp in which kids learn and grow through unsupervised activities with drag queens

-Gay-bar-hopping night for kindergarteners: What better way to teach tolerance? 

The programs are being hailed by trans rights groups, Democrats, and the eldritch creature who lives under the surface of Loudoun County and feasts on the souls of the damned.

At publishing time, all events were canceled for everyone's safety due to a Matt Walsh sighting.

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