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Satan Distances Self From Deranged Kenneth Copeland

HELL—At a press conference held Tuesday, Satan, the Prince of Darkness, officially distanced himself and his demonic organization from Kenneth Copeland Ministries.

"Look, I'm evil and everything, but Copeland gives demons like me a bad name," he said. "That interview that just came out where he's got these crazy, maniacal looks in his eye, starts hitting on the reporter, and makes completely nonsensical arguments for why it's OK for a preacher to fly around in luxury? That wasn't us. That was something worse. I'm not even sure how you out-evil us, but he's managed it."

"We're more lawful evil than chaotic evil," he explained. "We don't want to be associated with whatever dark influence is possessing Copeland. That's not one of our guys."

Satan admitted he did work with Copeland in the past, as records show Copeland struck a deal with Satan to acquire wealth, fame, and fortune in exchange for his soul. But he wants to break those ties officially now, saying that "Copeland is on his own, and may God have mercy on his soul."

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