Politics
Sanders Clarifies His Gulags Will Be Democratic Gulags

DES MOINES, IA—After a Bernie Sanders organizer waxed poetic over the beauty of gulags and the need for reeducating the people, Sanders clarified that his gulags will actually be democratic gulags.

"These aren't your regular, totalitarian, Soviet gulags -- not that there's anything wrong with that -- these are democratic gulags," he said in a clarifying speech. "We vote on the prison camps so it's not like a nasty dictatorship thing."

He then sent a memo to his staff reminding them that the gulags weren't supposed to be revealed until phase 2 of his plan.

Sanders was reportedly angered and disappointed at the staffer who let the cat out of the bag in a video released by Project Veritas.

"Remember, we start with promises of free stuff, then we throw everybody in the gulags once we're in office," an exasperated Sanders said to a group of his campaign volunteers gathered backstage at last night's debate. "It's a total bush league move to talk about the gulags, mass starvation, and millions of deaths before phase 2 kicks in."

"Come on, people -- stick to the playbook."

The presidential candidate instructed his staffers to stick to talking points like free healthcare, free internet, free Krispy Kreme donuts, and to avoid any talk of the gulags the Sanders campaign has had elaborate plans drawn up for since the day Sanders announced his candidacy.

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