EL PASO, TX — Witnesses reported that a migrant woman gave birth right on the U.S.-Mexico border this morning, sadly making only the top half of the baby American.
Sofia Perez had traveled all the way from Venezuela in an attempt to secure American citizenship for her new baby. Unfortunately, according to the nurse who delivered the baby, the top half of the baby came out on American soil, while the bottom half came out on Mexican territory.
"I'm sorry, ma'am. Your baby's chest and head have all the rights and privileges of an American citizen, but he's still Venezuelan from the waist down," explained immigration attorney Benjamin Rodriguez. "Wherever the baby's bottom lands on the way out, that's the ball game. Baby Armando will have his bottom half deported, while his top half may stay and do as it pleases."
According to legal experts, baby Armando's top half would be eligible to apply for a Social Security card and would have access to an American education, but his bottom half must return to Venezuela. "If only Ms. Perez had scooted just 10 inches over, baby Armando would be fully American," sighed law professor Roger Valentine. "If just his left foot had landed in Mexico, we could have cut the foot off, and then he'd be set. It's a tragic situation."
At publishing time, ICE had detained Ms. Perez and baby Armando, but only his legs.
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