TALLAHASSEE, FL—With all the evil Democrats and namby-pamby Republicans around the country making innocent kids wear masks against their will, one courageous state governor, Ron DeSantis, is putting his foot down. He has just signed an order decreeing that all teachers who make kids wear masks will be thrown in the gator pond.
"Now THAT is how you fight back!" said all the conservative commentators in the country in unison.
"Listen, I'm just not gonna stand for it," said DeSantis in his classic Desantis average mannerisms and average adult male voice inflection. "We haven't used the alligator pond for a while, but maybe it's time to bring that back."
The audience clapped and cheered and started chanting "Throw them in! Throw them in!"
State police have now removed the cover from the gator pond in preparation for throwing teachers in it.
"Not only can we not teach CRT, we can't put masks on kids!" said one teacher in one of her daily TikTok videos. "I have nothing to live for anymore! DeSantis is Hitler!"
She was then chucked into the gator pond in keeping with last week's executive order prohibiting teachers from making TikTok videos.