LOS ANGELES, CA — Disney's live-action remake of The Little Mermaid promises to revitalize the classic with a more diverse cast and crew, as well as the addition of an extended romantic scene that ends with Ariel reviewing and signing a 35-page consent form before Eric is able to "Kiss The Girl."
"The music swells as the light flirtation escalates into steamy romantic entanglement, with a drawn-out crescendo as Ariel reads and signs the 35-page consent form that Eric presents to her when she leans in for a kiss!" Composer Alan Menken says the studio expects the adjustment to be a welcome change to modern viewers, serving as an overdue acknowledgment of the original song's "pushy overtones."
"After making his poor suggestions for Eric to ‘steal a kiss,' Sebastian the Crab finds himself facing a long lecture from Eric about Informed Consent," said Menken. "Requesting confirmation and written documentation of approval for any and all romantic contact before soliciting a kiss has become necessary for today's audiences."
At publishing time, Disney announced that the live-action remake of Sleeping Beauty will feature Prince Phillip filibustering for 78 hours before abandoning Princess Aurora to her fate after she fails to wake up and sign his legally binding consent form.
Their culture is not your costume. DO NOT appropriate ghost, zombie, or vampire culture this Halloween.