LAKE FOREST, CA — Saddleback Church has doubled down on its support for adding female pastors to its staff, despite being kicked out of the Southern Baptist Convention, with founding pastor Rick Warren boasting that he has ordained even more female pastors than Jesus Christ Himself.
"Not even Jesus was this supportive of women being pastors," Warren said. "From now on, any female who becomes a pastor can look back at me as the great reformer who changed the Christian faith to something greater and more inclusive than even Jesus could imagine. I wouldn't say I'm a hero, but I wouldn't not say that either."
Warren and his church came under fire in recent years for the decision to begin ordaining women to become pastors on staff, culminating in the SBC voting to oust the megachurch from its denomination. "We just couldn't stand idly by while a church makes its own rules about what's right and wrong," said SBC spokesman Rev. James Westfall. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go speak to a group of pastors about surrendering white privilege and the evils of ever drinking a single alcoholic beverage."
Despite the controversy, Warren and Saddleback Church vow to continue moving forward with the ordination of female pastors in the future. "I've helped millions of people find their purposes in life," Warren said. "If the Bible doesn't tell someone what their purpose is, someone's got to do it."
At publishing time, the congregation at Saddleback Church had reconsidered its new position after one of the female pastors got off on several tangents while telling a story and ended up preaching for over 3 hours.
Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!