U.S. — In a recent podcast interview, presidential candidate RFK Jr. confirmed his official position that every woman should be free to choose to drown her newborn in the Chappaquiddick River.
"It's not the government's job to make reproductive decisions like this," said RFK through a special translator that translated his RFK voice into a regular-person voice. "If a woman wants to poison, dismember, or drunkenly drive her newborn infant into the Chappaquiddick River and leave it there to drown, well, that's none of my business."
RFK's statement comes on the heels of other statements that have made him increasingly unpalatable to Conservatives, including support for DEI, gun control, higher taxes, and eating worm-infested undercooked pork chops.
At publishing time, RFK Jr. had gained 3 percentage points among psycho-killer feminists.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
