NEW YORK CITY, NY — Former President Donald Trump made sure members of the jury in the Stormy Daniels hush money trial knew the adult film actress was much much hotter when he first met her.
"She was an eight or a nine back then, let me tell you," Trump explained to members of the jury. "Now she's a bit of a dog; Dogface Daniels, that's what they call her. But not when I met her, I would never touch a dog, not a dog guy. Not that I did touch her…but if I had…she was smokin'. Don't know what happened."
Trump assured members of the jury Daniels was much more attractive ten years ago after the two met at Mar-A-Lago. Daniels took to the stand Thursday in an ongoing hush money case many in the legal field call "totally legit and not at all cooked up by Trump's political enemies."
"She was a babe. Trust me, do I look like a guy who would go after a nasty woman that looks like that," Trump said, pointing to where Daniels was seated. "Not that I ‘went after her', but if I had, she's changed since then. Probably because she got old. I don't go after old women…gross."
As of publishing time, Judge Juan M. Merchan warned Trump that if the former president continued to bark every time Daniels took the stand he would hold him in contempt.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
