Republican Politicians Vow To Get Real Mad And Stuff Following Afghanistan Crisis
Politics

WASHINGTON, D.C.—With Americans and Afghan allies still trapped in Afghanistan, Republican politicians are vowing to respond by getting "real mad and stuff" about it. 

"Oh yeah, you bet I'm mad! I'm spittin' mad, I sure am," said Senator Lindsey Graham. "And let me tell y'all, Biden wouldn't like ol' Lindsey when he's angry! I'll make him pay for what he done to our boys in Afghanistan—you know—by being really mad at him." 

Sources say Senator Graham and others may even pound their fists on a podium while talking about it, or raise their voices slightly, but not enough to break the rules of decorum. They will then send a bunch of angry emails to their email lists saying how angry they are—with links to donate to their reelection campaigns. 

Senator Mitch Mcconnell also weighed in. "Yup, I'm purdy mad too," he said at a fundraising dinner while wiping some caviar from his neck which was also his chin. "Biden sure will be sorry when he answers to ol' Mitch!"

Republicans vow to stay really mad until the next news cycle makes everyone forget about all this. 

There are 158 comments on this article.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.