U.S. — The political system in the United States took a sharp turn away from addressing practical issues facing the nation, as both the Republican and Democratic party platforms were replaced with lists of people they would arrest.
"This is what the people want," said one Republican strategist, "And we're gonna give it to 'em."
While the respective political parties once featured detailed platforms describing specific issues they would seek to address if elected to office, they reportedly did away with such nonsense to instead focus on lists of enemies they would seek to destroy and imprison after taking power.
"Getting elected is about revenge, not serving the public," said Democratic National Committee Chairman Ken Martin. "People don't want their lives improved or the country to run better; they just want us to hunt down, arrest, and prosecute everyone who opposes us. That's what politics is all about."
Both parties insisted that this was what the Founding Fathers had in mind. "It's what our country was built on," said Republican National Committee Chairman Joe Gruters. "For the last 250 years, men have fought, bled, and died to give us the right to use elected office as a position of power to exact sweet vengeance on our political opponents. It's as American as baseball, apple pie, and welfare fraud. Voters aren't worried about policies. They want opposing politicians, journalists, and celebrities in jail."
At publishing time, each political party had also published a list of special interest groups they would blindly serve in return for billions of dollars of campaign donations.
Coming soon to a Democrat-controlled city near you!
