LANSING, MI — During a live interview on Fox News, Democratic Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed forcefully defended the beheading of infidels, explaining it was really the same thing as a haircut.
"Have you had a haircut, Jesse?" retorted El-Sayed, upon being asked whether he supported cutting off people's heads with a machete. "Clearly you have no problem with people using sharp objects to cut off parts of your head. Yet, because of your bigotry, you want to deny infidels the opportunity to have their heads cut off with a machete. Your disgusting hypocrisy could not be more apparent."
Watters tried to argue that slicing a person's head off was actually different than a haircut, but to no avail. "It's too late. I completely owned you, Jesse. You and your gorgeous head of hair," said El-Sayed. "Everyone can see how foolish you are, getting haircuts but thinking that beheading is morally wrong. Scissors are literally just two machete blades put together. What a dope you are! Oh man. I'm so embarrassed for you right now."
At publishing time, a sobbing Watters had admitted that he was beaten, then went to the salon for a trim to lift his spirits.
The Babylon Bee finally exposes everything about the Jews in this documentary of hard-hitting investigative journalism.
