MIAMI, FL — With news breaking of the Department of Justice handing down an indictment of former President Donald Trump, new details regarding the classified documents found in Trump's possession have come to light. A new report indicates these documents included the McDonald's secret recipe for the McRib sandwich.
"This is something we can't afford to have out in the open," said a source at the DOJ who requested anonymity. "Once the higher-ups at McDonald's heard about Trump possessing their McRib recipe, they pushed really hard for us to take serious action."
Behind the scenes, rumors were swirling that Trump either intended to reveal the secret recipe to the public or simply hold it as a bargaining chip for future political negotiations. In any event, the fast food chain reportedly played a significant role in the decision being made to indict. Trump refused to either confirm or deny possession of the recipe. "THIS IS YET ANOTHER HOAX," Trump wrote in a post to his Truth Social account. "EVEN IF I DID HAVE THE MCRIB RECIPE — MAYBE I DID, MAYBE I DIDN'T — I HAD THE AUTHORITY AS PRESIDENT TO KNOW HOW THE DELICIOUS AND WONDERFUL MCRIB WAS MADE. IT'S SHAMEFUL FOR MCDONALD'S TO BE PLAYING A ROLE IN THIS POLITICAL WITCH HUNT. SAD!"
When reached for official comment, the Biden administration refused to answer questions. "President Biden has more important things to deal with than McRib sandwiches," said gay black White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, who is a gay, black female. "But if the allegations are true, Mr. Trump is a clear national security threat."
At publishing time, Trump said, if re-elected, he will sign an executive order to make the McRib available all year long.
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