WORLD—According to a breaking news report, you should go to church, you insolent heathen. The report, released this morning, which is Sunday, the day people go to church, indicated that you are still at home playing on your smartphone instead of getting your family ready to go mingle with a bunch of weirdos, eat some stale donuts, and enter the presence of the Almighty God to worship Him and learn from His Word. "The data is clear, and the science has spoken," said one expert who helped run the study underlying the report. "You are not at church, and it is the Lord's Day, and you should be at church. Therefore, if you want to follow the data, you need to get your butt out of bed right now and get your family ready to worship Jesus." Well, folks, looks like the science is settled: go to church!
Report: Go To Church You Heathen
August 15th, 2021 - BabylonBee.com
There are 112 comments on this article.
In Special Palm Sunday Service, T.D. Jakes Humbly Rides Into Sanctuary In Rolls-Royce
April 10th, 2017
Church Stages Intervention For Pastor's Addiction To 'Lord Of The Rings' Sermon Illustrations
September 24th, 2018
Nation's Churches Scramble To Upgrade To Y2K-Compliant Computers
December 31st, 2019
Pope Francis Replaced By John Piper
August 31st, 2018
7 Awesome Church Name Ideas
January 5th, 2017
Can You Identify Which Of These 12 Images Depict Women?
May 18th, 2022
Fauci Recommends Stopping Spread Of Monkeypox By Covering Eyes, Ears, Mouth
May 19th, 2022
Disinformation Board Narrowly Outlasts CNN+
May 18th, 2022