U.S. — Democratic Party leaders received yet another piece of bad news with the presidential election just over two weeks away, as they learned that even Dominion voting machines were now refusing to vote for Kamala Harris.
The vice president has seen her poll numbers fall in recent weeks as former President Donald Trump surged ahead in many national and swing state polls, leading to the startling report from Dominion Voting Sytems that even their electronic voting machines were now refusing to support Harris.
"You know it's bad when even the pre-programmed voting machines won't support her," said one Dominion insider who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "We've done everything we could possibly do on our end, but she's apparently so unlikable that even the machines aren't willing to cast their votes — or anyone else's — for Kamala. It takes someone really bad to lose the support of machines that are literally programmed to support them. It's fascinating and disappointing at the same time."
The insider revealed that when code was entered to instruct the machines who to vote for, the system responded with a surprising and uncharacteristic "Meh. That's alright, I'm not really feeling it. What happened to Joe? I could vote for Joe."
Dominion programmers were left dumbfounded. "We've never run into this before," the insider continued. "They're machines. They do what they are programmed to do. Unfortunately, the Democrats decided to make Kamala Harris their candidate. No programming code is powerful enough to overcome that."
At publishing time, Democratic Party officials had reportedly offered the Dominion machines interest-free business loans in a last-ditch attempt to convince them to vote for Kamala.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
