U.S. — With people across the country pinching pennies to deal with runaway inflation, several reports suggest that cutting your own hair can save you from looking like you spent money on a haircut.
"With millions spent per year by individuals trying to look like they paid for a real haircut, the potential savings are staggering," said Harvard Economist Buggs Tampy. "We anticipate this year that thousands of Americans will save themselves from looking like they paid for a haircut by not paying for a haircut."
Popular techniques being employed include the bowl cut, the buzz cut, and classic hippie dreadlocks. Experts say all three styles are guaranteed to save people the trouble of looking like they paid money for someone to cut their hair for them.
Hairdressers and cosmetics companies are not happy with this development, however. "We've trained hard all our lives so that you can look like you paid a professional to take scissors and shorten the length of your hair," said a spokesperson for Supercuts. "We will not be ignored!"
At publishing time, further reports had indicated Americans were also saving themselves from looking like they spent money on clothing.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.