Wherever your political loyalties lie, you were probably disappointed in the result of the most recent election. After all, you weren't crowned king and placed in a position to impose your own personal desires on the whole of mankind. Bummer!
Here are some tips to cope with a disappointing election:
- If your name is Beto O'Rourke, stop running: Read the room, guy.
- Ask your therapist to rock you gently to sleep while you suck your thumb: Like a boss.
- Burn down an entire city block: Election rage falls under the first amendment. You can't be arrested!
- Eat 5 whole cheesecakes: Food makes the pain go away.
- Dance around an altar and cut yourself so that Baal will hear your cries: Seems about as effective as ranting about the election on TikTok.
- Watch the Notebook: WHAT DO YOU WANT? You want Ryan Gosling. Just admit it.
- Hold up a fake severed head of your political opponent and then take a picture of it: This won't backfire at all.
- Claim you won anyways: Boom! Checkmate.
- Storm something: Like a Capitol.
- Move to Canada, but not really: Threatening to move will make people feel your pain.
NOT SATIRE: Here's one more thing we can focus on if elections don't go our way: Education.
Every day in public schools, kids are able to go to the library and check out books that teach them information about our country, our government, economics, and our Founding Fathers that is incorrect at best and deceptive at worst.
Parents are right to be concerned about what books are in public school libraries. But the narrative should not just be about taking books out of public school libraries.
We should be trying to fill public school libraries with books that teach kids about important subjects, like our country's founding fathers, free market economics, and the principles of liberty.
That's why I wrote the Tuttle Twins series — to tell kids the truth about these subjects, and also to make learning fun. I'm trying to get a full set (or two!) of Tuttle Twins books in every public school library in America. Since you're a Babylon Bee reader and love freedom, I thought you might want to help.
Our friends at Moms for Liberty will hand-deliver it — we just need your help. Because of your gift, a kid will have the chance to read a book — from a series that kids love — that will help them learn at an early age that America is great, capitalism is good, socialism is bad, and printing money for free has consequences.
If you'd like to help with this project, click here today to learn more.
Author Tuttle Twins
Founder Libertas Institute
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.