U.S. — In a thrilling viral television moment, MSNBC host Rachel Maddow snorted a line of cocaine on air to prove to the world that it's a completely natural substance and no big deal at all.
"MAGA Republicans are losing their minds over coke being found in the White House, and they really need to calm down," said Maddow as she sectioned out a line of powder on her news desk. "This is a completely common and harmless substance that lots of Presidential administrations have taken to increase their performance. YOLO, folks!"
She then pulled out a straw and snorted loudly in front of her shocked producers.
Sources say she then blew through her entire lineup on the economy, reproductive rights, and LGBTQ protests in the next 60 seconds followed by unscripted rants about DeSantis, foreign terrorism, Indiana Jones, extraterrestrials, inflation, Ukraine, climate change, junk fees, monkeypox, monkeypox, monkeypox, and "WWWOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
At publishing time, Hunter Biden had been seen on set under Maddow's desk attempting to snort the leftovers.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
