R. Kelly Found Guilty Of Not Being President's Son
Celebs · Sep 28, 2021 · BabylonBee.com

BROOKLYN, NY - After a weeks-long trial, R&B Singer R. Kelly has been found to be an evil abuser, guilty of the crimes of racketeering and sex trafficking while failing to be the son of the President.

"Living the Hunter Biden lifestyle while failing to be Hunter Biden is a very serious offense," said prosecutors to the media. "We are seeking the maximum sentence of life in prison for this horrific crime." 

According to legal experts, you should always make sure you are the white, wealthy son of a U.S. President before engaging in sex trafficking and racketeering. Since R. Kelly callously failed to do that, he will go to prison instead of making millions of dollars and being awarded a job as a college professor like Hunter Biden. 

"We are so pleased Justice has been served today," said prosecutors. "We hope this serves as a reminder that you should always check to make sure you are a member of the powerful elite class before engaging in Hunter Biden-like activity." 


When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.