WEST POINT, NY - Army's football program has been winning games this year, but that record may be in danger as General Milley keeps sending copies of their playbook to their opponents.
"I have always believed it's important to give your opponent a heads up on whatever your secret plans are," said Milley to reporters while getting his weekly pedicure. "That's only fair - especially when your team represents the racist imperial forces of American white rage, and your opponents are oppressed people of color. I learned that in my ARMY CRT training last week."
"I really appreciate the General giving us the Army playbook," said Ball State head coach Mike Neu. "That was pretty cool of him. We look forward to utterly destroying his team this Saturday!"
General Milley said he would really love to go to the game this weekend, but can't make it as he will be attending President Xi's son's piano recital in Beijing.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
