AUSTIN, TX—As Texas removed its mask mandate this week, many progressives were shocked to learn that they could still wear masks. Having been led to believe that the end of the mask mandate would mean all masks everywhere would disappear like all those people in Infinity War, he was surprised to find that his mask hadn't yet been dusted from existence.
"It's so weird -- I can still wear 2, 3, or even 4 masks at once. Bizarre!" said Austin progressive activist Frank Miles as the sun rose and his mask was still firmly in place on his face, exactly as it had been all night. "I don't know what to think about this! Sometimes I just sit around and wait for a notification to pop up on my phone with the latest government advisory on how many masks I should wear, if I should get the vaccine, and whether I should wear pants."
Progressives across the state, however, began to grow worried that they would now have to start to make their own decisions about their health. What's worse, they would have to take responsibility for their actions when it comes to where they go, whether or not they mask, and whether or not they social distance.
"If the government doesn't force me to wear a mask, how will I ever make my own decisions about what's best for me and my health? Oh no!" said one woman as she looked outside and saw children playing. "Children! Having fun! I'm staying inside today!"