U.S. - eBay today released a statement that they will be pulling Mein Kampf from their site after the shocking discovery that Hitler drew a Chinese character in the margin who was eating with chopsticks.

"We are horrified and saddened to discover that Adolph Hitler engaged in racist caricatures like this," said a spokesman for eBay. "All of us deeply regret that customers enjoying a nice socialist manifesto were unwillingly exposed to such harmful bigotry. We express our deepest apologies and hope our oversight about Hitler has not contributed to racial violence against the Chinese."

Other major distributors quickly followed suit, with Amazon additionally stopping all sales of chopsticks to people with Asian-sounding names. After seeing what corporations were doing, the Biden administration bravely denounced Hitler's drawing and said it will be issuing executive orders imposing restrictions on Chinese restaurants so no one will ever be exposed to the harmful sight of an actual Chinese person eating with chopsticks.

Journalists questioned if there might also be problematic text in Mein Kampf, but Biden explained that "unlike a cartoon, putting people in camps and committing genocide is simply a different cultural norm! We've got to understand that President Xi needs to bring unity by doing lots of the same things that Hitler did, and we can't be out there acting like he might order people's torture while eating with chopsticks. That's racism, systemic, kung pao! Open Biden!"