Politics Sports
Progressives Try New Strategy To Win The Hearts Of Americans: Interrupting College Football

U.S.—Progressives are trying a new strategy to win over American hearts and minds after it was found that their outraged antics often turn people off: interrupting college football games.

"We've tried blocking traffic, chanting during baseball games, and screaming at people in restaurants, but people still don't love us for some reason," said one climate protester while she was being put into a squad car. "So now, by interrupting something most Americans don't even like and probably no one even cares about, college football, we'll get lots of praise and positive attention from your average Joe."

"This is a surefire way to win the rural, red-state voters over to our cause."

Since the strategy proved somewhat successful during the Harvard-Yale game, the protesters say they're going to try it on a real college football game next weekend: "We can't wait to see how much praise we get when we interrupt the LSU-Texas A&M game this Saturday."

Breaking: PayPal Now Available

Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.

You must become a premium subscriber or login to view or post comments on this article.