WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Biden today announced his plan to address the baby formula crisis, asking each illegal immigrant to please bring one can of formula to drop off when they cross the border.
"If all 300,000 people coming over the Rio this month drop off a can of Similac, we'll have this thing fixed lickety-split," said President Biden. "In the meantime, Hunter always carries little bags of formula powder with him. I'm sure we can use that to get by!"
Biden has directed the Border Patrol to set up donation boxes at popular crossing points all across the southern border. The President promises that any immigrant who drops off a can before entry will not be thrown into one of his cages. As an added incentive, those who bring a can of the high-dollar Similac Pro will receive a guarantee to not be shipped to New York or D.C.
While most Democrats praised the plan, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez argued that people complaining about formula shortages was just silly as her grocery store still had plenty of Nesquik. Elizabeth Warren also voiced opposition, stating that Planned Parenthood was well equipped to simply eliminate the demand for baby formula if the Supreme Court would only let them.
At publishing time, Governor DeSantis had announced new legislation entitled 'FORMULA' to guarantee all Floridians a lifetime supply of American-made formula filled with extra testosterone and gluten.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
