WASHINGTON, D.C. - Following the U.S. Supreme Court's 6-3 ruling overturning the constitutionality of Roe v. Wade, columnist David French was seen trying to sit at the cool lunch table filled with Trump voters.
"Pretty cool we overturned Roe, right fellas?" said French while holding his lunch bag of soy-based foods in one hand and waiting to receive a high five with his other hand. "I can't believe we all did it together as a team who always liked Drumpf. I mean, uh, Trump."
The crowd of cool Trump voters barely noticed him as they were busy fist-bumping and listing Trump's many, many wins.
Witnesses report that French, sweat beading on his forehead, took a deep breath then opened his backpack and pulled out a bright red MAGA hat. He then slowly, laboriously placed it atop his head.
At publishing time, David French was working on his next article, titled, "How I Contributed to the End of Roe v. Wade By Getting a Wedgie, a Swirlie, Then Being Shoved in a Locker by Trump Voters."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
