GOTHAM CITY — Fear gripped the city today as a maniacal villain once again put innocent dozens of citizens' lives at risk as the Joker (who is reportedly pregnant) and his gang of homicidal clowns held the First National Bank of Gotham City hostage until his unusual demands were met.
"In this city, it's only a matter of time before some nutjob does something insane," said Gotham City Police Commissioner James Gordon at a press briefing after the bank siege began. "The Joker has always been unpredictable, but now that he's pregnant, who knows what type of carnage we should expect."
Rather than the usual ransom demands for money or to have the Batman publicly reveal his true identity, the Joker was reportedly requesting to have someone bring him pickles and ice cream to satisfy his pregnancy cravings.
"Who cares about money when what I really want is something salty — but not too salty — with a little bit of sweetness, but I'm not really sure what," the Clown Prince of Crime said in a video sent to the police. "I'm not really sure what I want. Maybe a massage. I keep feeling nauseous and my back and my feet are killing me. Ha ha ha! HEE HEE HEEEEE!"
At publishing time, the tense situation was still ongoing, as rumors spread that Commissioner Gordon had sent the Batman on an urgent mission to obtain a half gallon of a very specific flavor of ice cream that was not available at most stores.
There's lots to be thankful for, libs!
