ROME — Pope Francis, Pontiff of the Roman Church, has just confirmed that God agrees with whatever it is that the Democrats want to do right now.
According to the papal bull Fines Apertae, Pope Francis has assured the faithful around the world that God is pretty cool with whatever is the current Democrat agenda.
"Sic vult Deus, ita volunt Democrati. Frociaggeto! Democrati volunt modo bona, quae Deo placeant. Imprimatur — nihil obstet — omnia sunt bona, cum facta amore sint," the Pope eloquently explained, as several American bishops quietly dealt with heart attacks in another room. "Fiat voluntas Democratorum. Nobis et Deo placet. Fines apertandae sunt. Mundus noster nimis caldus est. Terribile dictu."
According to sources, the Pope's statement roughly translates to say: "Whatever the Democrats will is also the will of God."
Several prominent Roman Catholic apologists have stepped forward to defend Francis' comments by explaining that they weren't pronounced ex cathedra and therefore don't really mean anything different from what Roman Catholic dogma has always taught.
At publishing time, Pope Francis had partially amended his statement to also include the official platform of the Socialist Party of America as an official part of God's divine will.
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