Health
Poll Finds More People Would Trust Fauci If He Wore One Of Those Giant Doctor Disk Thingies On His Head

U.S.—A new poll found that more people would trust presidential adviser Dr. Anthony Fauci if he were to wear one of those "giant doctor disk thingies" on his head.

Fauci has been a controversial figure, with many questioning his response to the coronavirus outbreak. This new study shows there's one simple way for him to put people's criticisms to bed: wearing a head mirror, referred to as a "giant doctor disk thing" by the vast majority of the nation.

"I just don't know if I can trust him -- he doesn't have one of those big CD-looking things on his forehead," said Lily Bryers, 42, of Snidersville, Texas. "Putting on one of those and maybe wearing one of the heart-listening thingies around his neck would go a long way toward dispelling my doubts about him."

"Dr. Mario wears one, and I trust him. I'm just saying, it would help."

The study also confirmed that people would really like it if he could wear a white medical coat and hold a clipboard. In addition, people said their trust of him would increase greatly if he would hit the president's knee with one of those miniature rubber hammer thingies. "And would it kill the man to tell somebody to say 'Ah' and then stick one of those popsicle sticks down his throat?"

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