The Polar Express Voted 'Best Christmas Movie' By Serial Killers
Life · Nov 25, 2023 ·

WORLD — The Polar Express has officially won the title of "Best Christmas Movie" amongst deranged, psychotic serial killers.

While normal humans find the film to be an unending string of nightmarish horror, The Polar Express has garnered praise from unhinged lunatics. "Oh yeah, I love Polar Express," stated notorious axe murderer Griff Hillsworth. "The way the animation makes all the characters look like they murdered someone and are now wearing a mask of their victim's skin - it just really speaks to me. The film does such an amazing job taking everything in a child that's supposed to be innocent and twisting it into fear, violence and mania. Ugh, it's just so good!"

Though popular with run-of-the-mill serial killers, The Polar Express has also developed a cult following amongst murderous dictators. "Seeing Santa as a tyrannical communist overlord -- it's what made the Christmas story finally come alive to me," said North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un. "The North Pole in the movie looks so much like North Korea, it's honestly uncanny. Welcome to paradise, kid."

According to sources, mentally disturbed psychopaths rated a live viewing of The Nutcracker as a close second.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.

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