NEW YORK, NY — As part of a change in immigration policy designed to limit the incoming of foreign nationals with chronic health issues, the poem posted on the Statue of Liberty was updated to read "No Fatties."
The famous inscription, which had long been held as a beacon of hope to all who sought a new life and the American dream, now more accurately reflected the current administration's efforts to prevent obese immigrants from arriving to weigh down the nation's healthcare industry.
"It's a modern addition that fits our updated vision," said Secretary of State Marco Rubio. "Our country is already facing health crises across the board with our own citizens. We simply do not have the resources to take on millions of other tubbies who are looking to come to America. We are more than willing to welcome the tired, the poor, and the huddled masses as long as they are reasonably healthy and not grossly overweight."
The State Department had begun instructing diplomats and embassy officials to take into account factors such as obesity, diabetes, and other health issues when considering whether or not to grant visa applications to foreigners, making an amendment to the Statue of Liberty's poem necessary. "We want to be clear," Rubio continued. "The United States is a symbol of hope. A shining city on a hill. But we just can't take in the fatties."
At publishing time, Rubio was reportedly exploring the possibility of revoking Rosie O'Donnell's U.S. citizenship to prevent her from returning to the country and placing an even greater burden on the healthcare system.
Congress is preparing to make some big changes!
