Listen up, flock: I've done everything you wanted me to do. I've compromised on every major moral and Scriptural issue I was trained to take a stand on.

I've even changed my personal style, wearing those ridiculously skinny jeans and T-shirts with nonsensical tribal designs all over. 

Heck, I got a tattoo so you'd think I was edgy. I'm not edgy! I'm the opposite of edgy!

But I did it anyway, all for one noble purpose: that you would like me.

Please like me. Please?

I lie awake at night agonizing over whether you and the visitors that come in each Sunday find me likable. Every decision I make is centered around this one overarching purpose: that I would be thought of as hip and trendy. 

I mean, I've literally done everything. I've frosted my tips, I've grown this soul patch, and these jeans alone cost me $300 dollars. I've avoided the topics that make you uncomfortable. I've exegeted your favorite movies. I've compromised in every area of pastoral integrity. What else will it take? Please, please just like me.

I've sacrificed everything I ever believed in, just so you would think I'm cool and not one of those weird, preachy-sounding preachers.

So for the glory of God and the sake of the gospel: please like me.

It's the least you can do after I sold out for you.