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Planned Parenthood Launches 'Born Lives Matter' Campaign

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U.S.—Citing confusion around their past support for Black Lives Matter, Planned Parenthood has launched a new campaign, "Born Lives Matter," to make sure people understand black lives only matter after they've been born.

"There was some initial confusion since our organization is responsible for ending the lives of millions of black children-- er, I mean fetuses," said CEO Iris E. Harvey. "It's important we clarify to the public that we didn't end any lives that actually mattered since only BORN black lives matter."

According to sources, abortion is the leading cause of death among black Americans. According to Planned Parenthood, however, it's not a cause of death at all among black Americans who matter.

"ONLY-- BORN-- BLACK-- LIVES-- MATTER," said Harvey, clapping between every word.

"Planned Parenthood hopes this new campaign will lessen some of the confusion," Harvey continued, "and allow us to continue our glorious mission of population control and eugen-- er, I mean, caring for women."


NOT SATIRE: Despite everything we've gone through in the last year, pro-choice politicians think that what America needs more than anything right now is more abortions. They want to make sure it's easier for women to have abortions up to the moment of birth, and in some states, to let the baby die after it's been born. Isn't that crazy? At Care Net, we know this isn't what you want. So we want to give you a way to take a stand against abortion and infanticide by signing our pledge. Take 30 seconds to sign the pledge.

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