U.S. - Vaccine manufacturers Pfizer and Moderna have filed a suit for patent infringement against the human immune system. Attorneys involved in the joint filing allege the human immune system not only fights COVID-19 infections but knowingly prevents further infections via a method known as "natural immunity."
"It's a sham!" argued prosecuting attorney Harold Durham. "Natural immunity is cutting into the profits of these humble vaccine manufacturers. Natural immunity is a clear rip-off of our mRNA treatment, which is also designed to trigger an immune response. This is in violation of a patent filed over a year ago!"
The human immune system has hired infamous patent attorney Joshua Law to build a credible defense.
"Patent Law didn't exist when my client began protecting the human body from disease. Even so, it's been continuing its work unmolested for thousands of years. Now someone is coming in to say everything the human immune system has done is their intellectual property? It's a farce!" said Law in a statement to the press.
Litigation is set to begin in two weeks. Legal experts favor Pfizer and Moderna and expect the two companies to share the immune response patent briefly before eventually suing each other.
"There can only be one lord of the vaccines," said Andrew Moderna, "and he does not share power!"
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
