SALEM, OR — Once again, a perfect day has been ruined by the existence of people.
Local man Paul Jennings had woken up in an incredible mood, had a great prayer time followed by delicious bacon, only for his perfect day to come crashing down upon his first interaction with people.
"Every time," sighed Jennings. "People, man. Every single time I have a perfect day going, there are people. Then, the day is no longer perfect. People are killing me."
According to surveys, every perfect day thus far in history has been ruined, at some point, by people. While perfect days seem to have a variety of origins, its destruction by people appears to be universal.
"No matter how high the high is, it can always be brought down by people," said sociologist Dr. Marvin Stones. "People possess the most remarkable power over perfect days. They can really surprise you, those people."
At publishing time, Jennings' day had somewhat rebounded thanks to tacos.
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